so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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