I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
