I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
