Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
