I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
