I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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