And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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