Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
