she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
