just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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