A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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