i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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