I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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