I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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