They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
