im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
