Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize