I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
