i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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