My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
