I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
