well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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