Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
