they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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