So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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