Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
