Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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