god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
