Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
