What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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