I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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