Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
