All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
