I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I deserve this hangover.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
