I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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