We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
