this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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