I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
