Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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