3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
