I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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