yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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