beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
