What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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