I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
