Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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