My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
