im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
