Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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