Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
