Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
