Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
