did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
