he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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