i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
