my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
