Can i not drive my cunt home
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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