is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
