Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
