so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize