I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
