NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
