i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
