you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
