She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
