upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
