We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
