I heard we made out
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
