No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
